Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
