I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
