Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
