Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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