Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
