Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
ok first of all what the fuck
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize