No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
