Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
