finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
