Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
