He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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