We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
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After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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