You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
