i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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