I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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