My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
