You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
from now on my penis is your penis
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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