My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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