just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
