Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
