i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
