i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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