Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
