i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
