He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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