The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
