I cockslap morals
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize