Betty ford says i'm here all night
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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