Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
