It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
