This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
