at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
