you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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