Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I could make wine with my vomit
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
