after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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