I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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