my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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