hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
