We're facebook friends in real life
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
