May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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