Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
