eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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