I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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