if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
