You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
