Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
