How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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