So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
