Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
