didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
