Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
where are you?
Hypothermia
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
