New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
