You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
