If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Drake has all the answers
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
