So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
