I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
