also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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