do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
