I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
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You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
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You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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