how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
