onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
