cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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