good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
