I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
