whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
