I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
