I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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