Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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