I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
