Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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