i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
