I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
