dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
