Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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